Thousands of years ago, in 1998, New York City was ridden with criminals and unsolved crimes. The city was a dark place, inhabited by the scum of the earth. It was so terrible that the US government thought about nuking it, and just building a giant KFC in its place. This would have been awesome. I mean, imagine all the delicious crispy chicken this would have provided. Anyways, by the end of 1998, all crimes were solved, except for one.
The name of the case should remain confidential, but it won’t because I don’t care about exposing fictional case files. The case was known as, “The Case of the Missing Wedding Ring”. Basically some housewife lost her ring and reported it stolen. This crime remained unsolved due to the fact that no one really cared about some stupid, lost wedding ring. But at the end of 1998, someone decided to care, NYC’s “best” detective: Netflix McGrundle.
Netflix McGrundle was an average looking human being. He was tall and had two eyes, two ears, two legs, two arms, two feet, two hands, a torso, a mouth, and a nose. Yes, he was an average looking guy alright, except for that weird mustache that he had. He should have shaved it, but I guess if he did he would of kind of looked like his mom. Anyways, Netflix had been working in law enforcement for about 10 years, and he had solved over one case. He decided to take on the case of the missing wedding ring because his boss told him to.
On December 31st, 1998, Netflix McGrundle sat in his office looking over the missing wedding ring case files. All the files were super boring, so Netflix decided to shred them and take a nap. After his 15 hour power nap, Netflix decided he was going to do something important, so he took another nap. Upon awaking from his second nap, Netflix got a very mediocre idea. But then he forgot it so he decided to go for a walk.
About ten minutes into his walk, Netflix started to get tired because he was an out of shape loser due to his high consumption of delicious KFC chicken. Since he was being a huge baby, and couldn’t walk any farther, he decided to enter the nearest store he could find. It turned out that the nearest store he could find was 60 miles away, so it only took him 15 minutes to walk there. When Netflix finally arrived at the store, he couldn’t believe his eyes. And then he immediately believed them because they saw exactly what he saw: a wedding ring. Upon further investigation, Netflix realized he was in a store. A store full of rings, diamonds, and jewelry. Like a store where you can buy jewelry. Like a store of jewelry.
"I have found the wedding ring and a lot of other rings!" said Netflix, "Another case closed!". Except Netflix never actually closed the case, because he never found the real ring. That fucking idiot thought some random ring in a jewelry store was the stolen ring! Fuck this. I’m not getting paid nearly enough to write this shit. I’m going to get some KFC.